When asked to describe what I think this is or means, at first I thought it was going to be difficult but fortunately, I soon realised all I had to do was close my eyes and not think. Then it was simple, to feel the essence of unconditional love, without thought.
Big love, as I like to call it, transcends what most people consider love to be. Our perception of love is often misguided unfortunately, due to conditioning from parenting and what we experience in the wider world. Love becomes distorted, sensationalised, a misconception for many, something we think needs to be achieved or deserving of. Love is not available to everyone. Love is only available to the lucky ones…this is the gravest illusion of all. I grew up thinking ‘I am not loved’ why is this so important? Am I just feeling sorry for myself? Am I caught up in a story that I think is my life?
This has been my journey of exploration for several years. Being attached to this suffering has consumed me at times. Every sad moment I can recall as a child and young adult has a feeling linked to it and a sense of longing, yearning for something I believed I was deprived of, which in turn translated to ‘I am not loved’ …and yet I have come to see, through a deep sense of knowing, that love has always been there (is always here), I didn’t realise for a long time because it was hidden, disguised in perception and conditioning. However, even though I believed I wasn’t loved, I always had the ability to love others, why is that? It took me a long time before I could see…love has always been by my side, a constant companion and guide. It’s just misguided beliefs were in the way. I was looking for someone to blame for not feeling love, in this instance it was my mother. Now I see this notion is ridiculous, she is not to blame, no one is to blame, our conditioning has the ability to manifest itself and create all kinds of stories of suffering, ie, low self-esteem, anger, jealousy, anxiety, controlling behaviour etc. but these are just our stories.
If we think about a baby being born, the child can only express by showing how he/she feels, ie. if it cries it wants/needs something, to be fed, or sleep etc. As the child develops, it learns (coping strategies) directly from its surroundings and parenting, the child’s behaviour begins to develop. If you are ‘good’ you will be rewarded and if you are ‘bad’ you will be punished. Unfortunately, for most children, conditioning starts to form at a very early age because ‘rules and boundaries’ are set…we lose our sense of freedom, we feel like we don’t belong, we are misplaced and so, judgements form, we build layers and walls caused by our conditioning to protect ourselves. Now we are constantly disappointed, frustrated, and easily offended. If/when we start to wake up from this madness, it’s to discover everything we believed to be true gets turned on its head, the layers need to be peeled away and the walls knocked down in order to shine, into the essence of our being and this is where big love can be found. Big love is like mother nature, all nurturing, without prejudice or boundaries.
To me, unconditional love is a sense of freedom from suffering (both internally and externally), an overwhelming feeling of joy, a tingling sensation, a deep sense of awareness, I feel no agenda attachment. There is nothing to gain, there is no agreement, or terms to adhere to, no conditioning, no judgement, no right or wrong, no offence taken, instead there is an infinite acceptance of everything.
It is truly liberating to know all is well….a deeper sense of Knowing, like a force field that cannot be damaged, free from emotional attachment. This is big love.
